21 5 / 2013
"Mean. Creepy. Unlikable. Loathsome. A horror show. Everything terrible. Monster. Abuse. What kind of guy does that. No self-respecting woman would do that. Beyond what any sane woman would tolerate. Comparable to genuine sex slavery. Garbage.
This is a huge part of how the world sees consensual sadomasochists.
And inextricably tying consensual sadomasochism with either moral bankruptcy or emotional damage doesn’t help.
I don’t expect every single depiction of consensual sadomasochists to be dreamy and perfect. I don’t even want that. But when you see a pattern crop up in popular culture over and over and over again — black people are criminals, gay people are sad and crazy, women are incompetent and over-emotional — that’s when it starts to be a problem. And it’s been a problem for kinky people for decades. Producers of pop culture: Please, please, knock it the fuck off."
01 5 / 2013
"Orgasms from non-PIV sources are just as valid as PIV orgasms. Orgasms from PIV assisted with a vibrator or a finger are just as valid as unassisted PIV orgasms. STOP CREATING ORGASM HIERARCHIES. ALL ORGASMS ARE EQUAL IN THE EYES OF GOD."
30 4 / 2013
"Sex without PIV is still “real” sex. Oral sex is real sex. Manual sex is real sex. Dry-humping is real sex. Kink is real sex. As long as your relationship or sex life is making you happy, you should feel free to select any of those you want and refuse any of those you don’t want, because ultimately it is up to you and your partner to do what makes you happy."
29 4 / 2013
"The flaw with a lot of PIV-critical feminism, I think, is that they ignore that the problems with PIV are not inherent to PIV itself but to the way we construct PIV. PIV is legitimately enjoyable to a lot of women– whether because they orgasm from it, they don’t orgasm from it but it still feels good, or they enjoy their partner’s pleasure. (Boyfriends, if you read this and decide not to have PIV with me I will be Very Sad.) It is incredibly shitty to those women to say “no, you don’t get to have PIV because these women over here don’t enjoy it but feel like they have to have it anyway.” I mean, the obvious solution here is that people who don’t like PIV shouldn’t have to have it, and people who do should."
17 4 / 2013
tumblrbot asked: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?
Good question! I think New Zealand, San Francisco, or Greece.
17 4 / 2013
"Even kink that is obviously related to patriarchy is not necessarily anti-feminist, because there is a difference between “caused by patriarchy” and “perpetuating patriarchy.” Kink causes patriarchy in much the same way as my muddy shoes cause rainstorms."
17 4 / 2013
If you think BDSM is inherently wrong because it involves violence and you do not also think sports are inherently wrong because they involve violence, you are a hypocrite.
But if you do, I have many more arguments for why you’re wrong.
16 4 / 2013
Finally, there’s the question of whether feminism has any business saving women from themselves. Because there’s a really bad track record here. At various times, various branches of feminism have swooped in to “save” femme women, married women, women who stay home with their kids, women who do sex work, cis women who welcome trans women into women’s spaces—and it has always been a disaster. It’s forced women to defend their dignity and even their safety from the people who are supposed to be advocating for them. I’m not saying any of these groups are the same as submissive women, obviously, only that “you say you want this… you poor thing” hasn’t historically worked out well for feminism.
How can I be a feminist and do BDSM? Because I trust women to know their own desires. Because BDSM does not stand apart from the world at large, and if we have to live in this world anyway, we might as well do what we love. Because I love and respect my body, my mind, and my potential as a human being—and all three are going “hell yeah, I totally want this.”"